Saturday, June 21, 2003

On the Road again

I'm at my sister's house in Grants Pass, Oregon. Can't tell you much about GP, but my sister's house is nice. Maybe a little too Laura Ashley for my tastes, but on my sister it looks good.

The traffic was steady. Interstate 5 is not my favorite highway, at least not the part through northern California. It's narrow, as freeways go, and well worn. Made it here in six and a half hours. And my back is in good shape. Ain't nothing like a Cadillac for a nice ride. Yeah,uh huh. It's me and my car.
But before I go . . .

Did I mention that I'm driving my car? That calls for a whole different level of reasoning when you start to pack. It allows me to postpone decisions about what I need to be away from my fort. Cut to the chase, the result is I look like a gypsy. I could probably sustain myself from my cadillac for a month. Fucking boy scouts ain't got nothin' on me. I'm fucking prepared.

My neighbor downstairs looks at the pile of clothes heading towards the car with a certain disbelief and asks "you taking all of that?"

It's a major Gay event, I exclaim in my own disbelief at his lack of knowledge of Gay megaevents, after all, he's witnessed San Francisco's Gay week-end, along with the equally intense Castro Fair Week-end and week till Folsom Street Fair? I patiently explain to him that I may need as many as 3 changes per day at the heighth of the week-end. And because it's a "themed" week-end, as in Rodeo, the costume of the day is western. And since I'm originally from Texas, I see Western as sort of my native dress, and being a natural born, native "princess" I dress colorfully.

In short, I'm taking a lot of stuff. This is a high maintenance week-end set in the middle of a week of family and a week of me as a grownup getting lost in an imagined world in either Vancouver, Victoria, or Seattle. Outside chance of Portland, but it's way out there.

Now, getting lost in a large major city calls for great subtlety. I like to wander around and absorb interesting aspects of a place. I'm vain enough to want to get noticed by interesting people, and once noticed to be thought interesting, but I also like being an almost invisible spirit, a passing shadow. Leaving a wake but no disturbance. Refreshing several of my inner selves by free floating in a fantasy created by my experiencing the city with complete openness.

It's a great high. I'll report back in later. rlbtzero
I'm off to Canada for a couple of weeks. I'm driving my 1990 Cadillac El Dorado to Vancouver, British Columbia. En route, I'll stop and see my sisters in Oregon and a good friend in Bellingham, Washington. But my destination is Canada where I'm joining up with a friend to go to the Gay Rodeo in Calgary. I may blog once or twice before I get back, but chances are you won't be seeing or hearing from me for a couple of weeks.

Have a great 4th of July.

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Dear Leon,

I know you're a good and loyal friend of the Bush family. Even though I was personally horrified at his election to the Presidency, I congratulated you because I knew you were very proud of this achievement. I have held back with my opinion of Bush as President. I have always considered him a lightweight, but out of respect for the office of President I have given him the benefit of doubt whenever possible, and out of my respect for you, I have not criticized him to you. That has now changed.

When you called me, you were not interested in my opinion. You wanted to vent against the Democrats who thought his landing on the aircraft carrier to be just too contrived and staged. I thought that a valid criticism and told you so. Our conversation quickly became an argument. You thought my tone with you too strident. I thought your comments to me too stupid. I'm sorry, but that's what I thought of what you had to say.

You were also offended that I told you that sitting alone in the woods watching Fox News was not good for you. You said I called you an extreme Right Winger. I did not. I thought it, but I know I did not say it to you. I'm too polite.

I'm also concerned about the way the administration contrived the evidence about weapons of mass destruction. Yes, Sadam was evil and should have been deposed. But that was not the song to which we marched off to war. This is too serious an issue to lie to the American people and the world about. Lying about a blow job is one thing, this is quite something else.

But you've decided to accept all the lies and bullshit coming from this administration. I think that really does interfere with our relationship. I wish you well. This issue between us will be there for awhile, but not forever.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

Dear Robert,

Thanks for the suggestion that I start including my letters in the blog. You're right on the money, though. Letter writing has always been my forte.

Leon called again this evening. I really need to write to her, and soon. She called tonight to let me know that she's sure I would have called and apologized for being such a bitch last month, except she hasn't been home. Yeah, sugah, that's what it is. You haven't been home for me to call and apologize. I told her the truth, once again. And guess what? She wasn't interested in my opinion this time, either. You know I've told you time and time again that that's alright with me. It really is, and I seldom get annoyed when she totally ignores what I'm saying. Do you remember back when we were getting to know each other well for the first time? I told you that my guru said that the truth never hurt anybody, but it might make them mad? That's Leon. But the truth isn't going to hurt her because she's not going to hear it. I told her twice that I wrote about our argument in my blog. Want to bet on whether she comes here to read what I had to say? No, I wouldn't take that bet either.

I will try to be generous in my future dealings with her, but I'm not interested in giving it very much energy. She'll form her own conclusions about what has transpired and lay the blame for the demise of our relationship in my lap. I really am okay with that.

I'm so looking forward to seeing you next week. I told Jim that I would be able to spend a day or so with you on my way up to Calgary, and also a day or so on my way back, unless of course you're dead, and then I'll be able to do a quick memorial service. He acted a little shocked that I would be so brutally honest about the possibility of your death, but I told him that I was relying mostly on your assessment of your possibilities. I think I told you one time that I thought the way to avoid dying was to be totally alive in the moment. If one could, then at the moment of death there would be a glorious exchange of energy with the universe. I owe you much of my soul, so I felt the least I could do would be to see you and bid you face this possibility with strength and awe. Like the Hollywood Indians used to scream on their way t o battle, "It is a good day to die.!"

I don't see you dying on that table, though. I have a vision of you on the other side of this operation. Be bold. It's going to be alright.

All my love and affection,

Raymond Ruth

Monday, June 16, 2003

Standing with Israel

Scott over at AMCGLTD.COM, has a heartfelt essay about standing fast as a friend and ally of Israel. It's a good read, and I recommend it strongly. I agree with Scott, but still I anguish about what's happening in Israel. I do not have a solution.

I doubt that I would have voted for Ariel Sharon, but my life is touched by too many Jews and Israelis to do anything but hope they have the ability to stand fast and not to be changed into monsters because they face monsters, ". . . for what profits a man if he gains the world yet loses his soul?"

Tough times for Israel.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Which is Worse, Bush or the Republican Party?

I say Bush is. He doesn't give a diddly squat about issues. He cynically uses them to consolidate his power. He'd sell his own mother down the river for power. I used to get so mad at the Lefties and Democrats with whom I work because they kept calling him dumb. He's not dumb. His entire political life has been successful because others misjudged his abilities.

The Republicans, on the other hand, burden themselves down with their own ideological stupidity.

The only saving grace in any and all of this is their arrogance which will bring them down. Arrogance sure brought the Democrats down.

I Lied

I didn't remove all of the conservative blogs from my list. I left a couple for reasons which are personal to me, which is another way of saying I'm not sure why they're still there. It's my blog, so I don't have to explain. I will reaffirm all of them as sentient beings with well thought out points of view.

Emma is angry, as am I. I have been unable to enunciate my anger and frustration. She has done it for me.

My anger has translated itself into action, albeit a passive-aggressive kind. I have removed most conservative blogs from my bloglist. They're not interested in dialogue. I have stopped speaking to friends who are Republican, or maybe they've stopped speaking to me. I do not feel especially tolerant of their ignorance and stupidity right now.

I tend to be more optimistic than pessimistic, so I believe that in the long run, good will prevail over evil. But that does not mean there won't be setbacks as humankind marches forwarded. This Bush-Republican Party dominance of our political landscape won't last forever, just longer than I want it to.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

We've Changed Our Name

Two people noticed. There are a couple of reasons. On my home planet, rlbtzero, which is pronounced "Ray," means, literally, Raven Watches. On our planet, as on yours, Raven plays an important part of our mythology. Raven is the instigator; the catalyst. He is not a part of the system, prefering to remain on the edge of things, looking for opportunity. Nothing gets past him. He doesn't react to everything, but he notices. He has an opinion, but not many are really interested in the opinion. He knows that and he's cool with it.

I see that as a model for my own observations. No one is really interested in my opinion. I watch. I witness. The world's spiral into hell isn't helped or stopped by my observations and opinions. Or troubled by my judgment ("spiral into hell"). Actually that's more an observation than a judgment. As the competition for resources becomes more intense, the quality of life is diminished. For awhile, the advances in science, medicene, food production technology, etc., kept lifting us up despite the increasing scarcity of resources. When I was born, the population of the U.S. was around 100 million. We're at 260 million now, and the end is nowhere in sight. Houston, Texas had 100,000 people. What's it now, 5, 6 million? Same north-south freeway running through it?

Since we're a democracy (of sorts), who has a vision of how society is supposed to work based on some sort of equitable distribution of our resources? Should the distribution hinge on political organization as it does now, or should there be a more human wide approach to the sharing of resources? Who decides what's equitable?

My co-worker asked me on Monday how things were going. I answered, "I'm sorry the world is going to hell in a handbasket, but I'm doing alright." Can I be doing alright if the world IS going to hell in a handbasket? Are we not all connected?

Monday, June 09, 2003

Monday Morning Ramblings

Whoo, boy, what a week-end, what a week, what a month! I know it looks like I haven't written much lately, but I've lost a couple of posts to the demons of the blogosphere. I was on an incredible roll this past Saturday and lost everything.