Being Cute, Late at Night


Wanda wants to know which Peanuts' character I am.


You are Woodstock!

A Word About Gay Marriage

From BILL MAHER and the Boston Globe
We don't need laws about love

By Bill Maher, 2/14/2004

NEW RULE: You can't claim you're the party of smaller government, and then clamor to make laws about love. If there's one area I don't want the US government to add to its list of screw-ups, it's love.

On the occasion of this Valentine's Day, let's stop and ask ourselves: What business is it of the state how consenting adults choose to pair off, share expenses, and eventually stop having sex with each other?

And why does the Bush administration want a constitutional amendment about weddings? Hey, birthdays are important, too -- why not include them in the great document? Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake -- you know, to send the right message to kids.

Republicans are always saying we should privatize things, like schools, prison, Social Security -- OK, so how about we privatize privacy? If the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what's their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minnelli.

Republicans used to be the party that opposed social engineering, but now they push programs to outlaw marriage for some people, and encourage it for others. If you're straight, there's a billion-five in the budget to encourage and promote marriage -- including seed money to pay an old Jewish woman to call up people at random and say ''So why aren't you married, Mr. Big Shot?''

But when it comes to homosexuals, Republicans sing ''I Love You Just the Way You Oughta Be.'' They oppose gay marriage because it threatens or mocks -- or does something -- to the ''sanctity of marriage,'' as if anything you can do drunk out of your mind in front of an Elvis impersonator in Las Vegas could be considered sacred. Half the people who pledge eternal love are doing it because one of them is either knocked-up, rich or desperate, but in George Bush's mind, marriage is only a beautiful lifetime bond of love and sharing -- kind of like what his Dad has with the Saudis.

But at least the right wing aren't hypocrites on this issue -- they really believe that homosexuality, because it says so in the Bible, is an ''abomination'' and a ''dysfunction'' that's ''curable'': they believe that if a gay man just devotes his life to Jesus, he'll stop being gay -- because the theory worked out so well with the Catholic priests.

But the greater shame in this story goes to the Democrats, because they don't believe homosexuality is an ''abomination,'' and therefore their refusal to endorse gay marriage is a hypocrisy. The right are true believers, but the Democrats are merely pretending that they believe gays are not entitled to the same state-sanctioned misery as the rest of us. The Democrats' position doesn't come from the Bible, it's ripped right from the latest poll, which says that most Americans are against gay marriage.

Well, you know what: Sometimes ''most Americans'' are wrong. Where's the Democrat who will stand up and go beyond the half measures of ''civil union'' and ''hate the sin, love the sinner,'' and say loud and clear: `There IS no sin, and homosexuality is NOT an abomination' -- although that Boy George musical Rosie O'Donnell put on comes close. The only thing abominable about being gay is the amount of time you have to put in at the gym.

But that aside, the law in this country should reflect that some people are just born 100 percent outrageously, fabulously, undeniably Fire Island gay, and that they don't need re-programming. They need a man with a slow hand.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody!

Bill Maher is host of ''Real Time with Bill Maher.''

This story ran on page A15 of the Boston Globe on 2/14/2004.

Rosie's Wedding

I was there, but I didn't have a very good seat. That's all right, though, since I don't know her that well. We were going to sing "Here comes the bride," but we realized that none of us knew the words and we didn't have enough time to go back for our kazoos. We were back in our offices by 2 p.m., just in time for the hail. Scroll down for the picture. It's there, I promise.



This is the view from my office window.


This was the view inside City Hall a few minutes earlier. The photo is by AP Photographer, Marcio Jose Sanchez. He obviously had a better seat at the marriage ceremony than did I. All I could see from my vantage point was the baby blue coat that turned out to be Rosie. Don't care if it was a bad seat, I was there and very proud of Rosie and Kelli. Congratulations to both of them, and a thank you, too.



Be sure to visit S.F. Gate for complete coverage of this phenomenon to which we are honored to bear witness.

Wanda, Go
Bitch Slap this Woman

Susan Sanford, writing for the Daily Mountain Eagle in Jasper, Alabama, says Those who do such things, and those who think they are amusing - or innocent - are worthy of death." Now isn't that special? Susan is beside herself. "My first question is, do these people not read the Bible? Have they forgotten Sodom and Gomorrah? At what point do they think the Lord changed His mind about the sin of homosexuality?"

I think Susan's been breathing too much hairspray, and I know she doesn't get out of Alabama as much as she ought to. Well, there was that one time she and her husband were in New Orleans, you know, in Louisiana, and they were there on Labor Day and lord, Jesus, you wouldn't believe what they ran into on those streets of New Orleans. It wasn't lesbians pushing baby carriages, that's for sure. Hell, I bet her husband is still trying to get her to use the lipstick he bought her. Anyway, somebody needs to tell this woman that we are not a theocracy and it is not all right to advocate in print that someone deserves to die because of something your religion teaches. I don't care what you think at home, Susan, or at church. That's your business. But I don't go to your church. My church says stupidity is a greater threat to humankind than same-sex love. It's been my experience that someone as retarded as you is at the receiving end of a lot of grief. Or as my people say, people like you pay a hefty stupidity tax.

Calling a Spade a Spade


While strolling around the internet, I stopped by my buddies at Buzz Flash to check up on Rick Perry rumors. Other than a demonstration this morning in front of the Governor's Mansion (I've always thought it would make a great Gay bar), not much was happening. I did notice a headline that caught my eye: "Hate Always Lands on History's Bad Side." The author is a member of the Houston Chronicle's editorial board. I'm pleasantly surprised.

Oh, Arnold! You're so, like, girly!


Arnold thinks all those radical lesbians and gays getting married is equivalent to rioting in the streets. No, really, this is what Arnold had to say to Tim Russert on Sunday. "All of a sudden, we see riots, we see protests, we see people clashing. The next thing we know, there is injured or there is dead people. We don't want it to get to that extent.'' No, Arnold we don't, so don't go inviting those kind of people to our party.

He goes on to liken it to someone somewhere deciding its all right to sell assault weapons and, no, you just have to read it for yourself. Okay, let me be the first to say it: BRING ON THE FUCKING RE-CALL PETITIONS! He is a very bad joke in very bad taste. If this is total war, why allow a buffoon to be in charge of the assylum. Let's bring him down.

First step in the war, as I mentioned earlier, vote no on Proposition 57.

The Governor Weighs In


Via S.F. Gate: "Our civilized society and legal system is based upon a respect for and adherence to the rule of law," the governor wrote. "The City and County of San Francisco's unfortunate choice to disregard state law and grant marriage certificates to gay couples directly undermines this fundamental guarantee. As Attorney General, you have the authority to take legal action to require the City and County of San Francisco to comply with the laws of the State.

"Because the City and County of San Francisco's actions are directly contrary to state law and present an imminent risk to civil order, I hereby direct you to take immediate steps to obtain a definitive judicial resolution of this controversy."

Imminent risk to Civil Order?



This threatens civil order? Come again? You've just convinced me to vote against Proposition 57 which I have never really liked anyway. You've just given me a reason. Just because it would cause you to loose your easy out of the budget crisis. Hell, Davis could have done that. You come in, borrow a bunch of money, claim you fixed things and then become Senator when Diane Feinstein retires. (Which my sources tell me may very well be at the end of this term.) Let's just say no to lightweight celebrities messing with our government. So screw you, Arnold. You fuck with us, we're going to return the compliment.

Listen, Arnold, we're hip to the fact that you really don't give a shit about this one way or the other. You really are a live and let live kind of guy. You're getting sucked in by your insufferable ego and false flattery. The Republicans are not your friends. Fate and fortune have put you in a unique position. Don't cheapen your legacy with acts of political expediency that harms others.

Threaten civil disorder, Arnold? Give me a fucking break.

Marriage in San Francisco

Here are some pictures from Friday, February 19, 2004. S.F.Gate also has a wedding photos album here.

But wait, there's more... Middle America has been sending flowers to those courageous young people so intent on celebrating marriage.

"Robert Yamaguchi and Raymond Mungo were waiting outside City Hall in the cold early Friday morning when a florist clutching wedding bouquets handed them one. The outside of the accompanying envelope read, "To The Happy Couple, " and the card tucked inside said simply, "With love from Minneapolis, Minnesota."

That is so incredibly touching. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

This battle over our right to marriage has percolated to the top all on its own. Most of us would probably have been comfortable leaving it sit for another year, hoping to avoid having it be a spoiler of some sort in the presidential election. We've waited a long time. We could have waited another year. However, the lines are drawn and we now have a moral compulsion to act. Americans have never been more divided on any issue since slavery. I have no doubt as to our ultimate victory, but I do not have enough confidence to think that it's going to be a quick contest and we'll win outright. After all, a woman's right to choose is still being challenged every day, every single day, and Roe vs. Wade is over 30 years old.. The Religious Right is as relentless as the Taliban in their desire to enslave us in their bigotry. I know that's rather dramatic, but when's the last time you saw demonstrators at someone's wedding? How many funerals have you seen picketed other than Matthew Shepherd? These people have us in their cross hairs and are as determined as the Nazis were in Germany in the 1930s. This is not the final battle, merely one in what promises to be a long and sometimes exhausting campaign.

Getting into it with Christians

From my office today, I noticed that the line had formed again at City Hall in San Francisco. The line? Gays and lesbians from around the country had gathered at City Hall in an attempt to get married. During my lunch hour I walked down the line talking to the people waiting. Most were from California, although not necessarily San Francisco. There were, however, couples from half a dozen different states. I asked them if they had tried getting married back home. None had. I congratulated them and wished them luck. I also told them to take the revolution home with them. "Go home and get married. Go to your county clerks and demand licenses. Go to your priests and ministers and rabbis and demand they marry you. Make them either do it or look you in the eye and say no. Make it personal. Put a human face on their prejudice." I thought I was pretty fucking eloquent, but that's just me tootin' my own horn.

Later in the afternoon, the Christians arrived with their professionally printed signs (not that there's anything wrong with that) warning all that hell fire and damnation was waiting the soddomites flaunting their sin in God's face. No, really, they did talk like that. Now, I'm a Christian. I come from a very hornery protestant tradition of Christianity. My people have never been shy of looking someone in the eye and saying to them, "That's not what the scripture says to me."

I had a few issues with these "Christians." First, was the guy holding the sign wouldn't kiss me. Brother, says I, give me the kiss of peace, as Christ has commanded us. "Stay away from me," he hisses as he backs up. "Brother," says I, "I'm a Christian, too. In my church, it is customary for us to give each other the kiss of peace when we greet each other." "Stay away from me," he warns.

"By what authority do you judge me?" I ask. He proceeded to preach that I would be condemned to hell unless I repented. I noticed that he had 3 scripture references on his sign. We all know them. First, there's always Leviticus where it says men that know men should be killed and the blood is on their own hands. Then there's the two verses where Saul of Taursus, who was later called Paul, condemns what the fundies say is homosexuality. I read those verses tonight. I'm not that sure that's what they say at all.

Anyway, these people came down to harrass the couples lined up to get married. That pissed me off. So I decided to have some fun with these cretins. I was raised by a Pentecostal grandmother. I can quote scripture with the best of them. Although I was baptised a Roman Catholic as a child, I was mostly raised by my Redbone grandmother, and let me tell you right now, she was a Christian. I'm pretty sure she had Jesus' personal phone number. I learned to read by reading the Bible.

So, I asks the young homophobe, "Doesn't Jesus say anything about homosexuality?" They always switch away from Jesus to God when you go there. God spoke through Paul, the young idiot tells me. "Or so Paul says," I reply. Well, here's the story for those of you who didn't get it before. Because the Bible exists, that proves it is uncontrovertible. It is the word of God, because if it weren't, it wouldn't have survived the centuries. You can't make this shit up.

Just to keep my young homophobe Christian in check, I went back to "Why won't you kiss me?" He accused me of having ulterior motives of lust, like he should be so lucky as to be in my league. Puh-leez!"

I was on a coffee break, so I couldn't stay much longer, so I started this approach. "Do you know the only sin Jesus personally condemns in his ministry?" I ask. He starts by telling me all the things Jesus told us to do, so I interrupt him and say, "but what was the sin he personally condemned, and said that if it wasn't repented, it was an ongoing sin?" When he didn't answer immediately, I told him. Jesus said, "What God has joined together, let no man put assunder." He said that a man could not divorce his wife. It causes them both to be adulturers. Living in adultery is an ongoing act of sin against God. Continuing in my un-Christian like way, I asked them, are any of your parents divorced? Yes, of course, they are. "You heterosexuals have trashed marriage!" I screamed at him. "You have sinned against God, and continue it more so everyday. Your mothers are all whores! You're all the sons of whores!" I was being mean. I also hoped that one of the boys would make the foolish mistake of getting physical with me. First, I'd love to scrapple with those boys. I might even cop a cheap feel or two. That'd freak 'em. [I said I was a Christian. I didn't say I was a good one.] Second, I'd love to have them all arrested for assault. That would be a sweet headline. "Christians attack Gays at City Hall." Thirdly, I had about five of the butchest lesbians in the crowd covering my back. We would have had some fun.

Instead? After I called them "sons of whores," I looked at them and laughed, "You're a bunch of fucking idiots." Finally, the young man who had been entertaining me the most, said "Jesus says you shouldn't have a potty mouth." "I'm not sure where that is in the Bible," I answered. "Probably right next to where he says to love thy fellow man."

This was all fun and games, but it misses the bigger point. The argument over Gay Marriage is an issue of civil rights, not religious differences. I don't care what your religion says about homosexuality. That's your religion and none of my business. There is a 220 year tradition in this country of dividing civil and religious. If your religion says that homosexuality is wrong, then don't practice it. If I do it's my business, and the Supreme Court has backed me up on this, even with it's Republican majority.

As far as marriage goes, there is no "sacred" tradition of marriage in this or any other country. Marriage has always been defined by each generation. Used to, a man could have several wives. He could have children by his concubine. A man used to simply buy a wife. These are some of marriage's "sacred" traditions. If my generation wants to give every individual the right to determine the nature of his relationship with another person, i.e., the right to marry, then so be it. It doesn't have to be taken from you in order for me to have it. God may or may not be on your side. The Constitution, however, is on my side. See you in court.


[Update: I apologize to my friends and readers who are Christian. You're absolutely right: it's not fair to label all Christians just because a bunch of narrow-minded fundies manage to tarnish the word and the idea. I will henceforth call them either fundies (short for fundamentalists) or Taliban (because of their desire to impose a theocracy on us, by the sword, if necessary.]

This is Lame, just plain Lame

We all know the President is an "idea" man, like Reagan. Yeah, right. Mr. Altzheimer, the idea man. G.W. sure knows how to pick his heroes. He's allowed to say whatever shit he wants, but when he's held to account, his people tell us "he's not a statistician." Or like, whatever. You know, they really do talk like that. Like, really. They must, because they could never spout shit like that if they didn't believe it, and they couldn't believe it, unless, like, they were totally so lame. You decide.

First Bush, now Perry?

Of course, this is just rumor, but Byron over at Burnt Orange Report is pointing towards a story over at Buzz Flash that says Rick Perry, the Republican governor of Texas, is about to be divorced by his wife for his sexual shenanigans with another (gasp!) man, pictured here:
. Geoff Connor is the Secretary of State for Texas. Which one do you think is the top? I say it's definitely Perry unless, of course, Geoff has a huge dick. Everybody curtsies to the real big dick.

Y'all are thinking: he's getting kind of gross here. We are not here to talk about the size of anyone's appendage, especially the fucking governor of Texas. Okay, to you sensitive ones, I apologize. I have only one question: who did you call when Bush was fucking over us? Define once again what you mean by obscene. "Gross" is what those bastards have done to us and our republic.

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but ya' know, first Bush tells the Canadian Prime Minister's assistant that he has a pretty face, and now this. It gets curiouser and curiouser.

Of course, they are a cute couple.

What did you do during the war, daddy?


I've said it over and over. I'm not mad at Pres. Bush for avoiding Vietnam. I'm mad at him for being dishonest about his motivations and how he succeeded. He pretended to be for the war but worked hard to keep his own ass out of harm's way. That is just wrong. This country's success is predicated on our equality before the law. For him to take a short cut on his responsibility and then lie makes him lower than pond scumb in my mind. Anyway, the other night the Prez warned others not to denigrate service in the Guard. Let me tell you, service in the Guard today is a far cry from what it was during Vietnam. I'm copying a column by Larry David as he talks about his experience in the military reserves during Vietnam. The guy is funny and totally on target. Those of us who were there, know. From the New York Times, [registration required, that's why I quoted the entire column].

My War
By LARRY DAVID

LOS ANGELES

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War. I can't tell you how many people thought I had signed up just to avoid going to Vietnam. Nothing could be further from the truth. If anything, I was itching to go over there. I was just out of college and, let's face it, you can't buy that kind of adventure. More important, I wanted to do my part in saving that tiny country from the scourge of Communism. We had to draw the line somewhere, and if not me, then who?

But I also knew that our country was being torn asunder by opposition to the war. Who would be here to defend the homeland against civil unrest? Or what if some national emergency should arise? We needed well-trained men on the ready to deal with any situation. It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas. Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then. If only. Once a month, for an entire weekend — I'm talking eight hours Saturday and Sunday — we would meet in a dank, cold airplane hangar. The temperature in that hangar would sometimes get down to 40 degrees, and very often I had to put on long underwear, which was so restrictive I suffered from an acute vascular disorder for days afterward. Our captain was a strict disciplinarian who wouldn't think twice about not letting us wear sneakers or breaking up a poker game if he was in ill humor. Once, they took us into the woods and dropped us off with nothing but compasses and our wits. One wrong move and I could've wound up on Queens Boulevard. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to find my way out of there and back to the hangar. Some of my buddies did not fare as well and had to call their parents to come and get them.

Then in the summer we would go away to camp for two weeks. It felt more like three. I wondered if I'd ever see my parakeet again. We slept on cots and ate in the International House of Pancakes. I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish. When the two weeks were up, I came home a changed man. I would often burst into tears for no apparent reason and suffered recurring nightmares about drowning in blueberry syrup. If I hadn't been so strapped for cash, I would've sought the aid of a psychiatrist.

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year. I'll always be eternally grateful to the Pentagon for allowing me to pursue my dreams.

Still, after all this time, whenever I've mentioned my service in the Reserve during Vietnam, it's been met with sneers and derision. But now, thanks to President Bush, I can stand up proudly alongside him and all the other guys who guarded the home front. Finally, we no longer have to be embarrassed about our contribution during those very trying years.

Larry David, who served in the Army Reserve in the 1970's, appears in the HBO series "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

Reading Others

I just added another blogger to my roll on the right. She calls herself Viking Zen. I do not know her human name, just her virtual identity. I'm cool with that. She is Viking Zen. She's a hybrid mixture of culture and language, combining American and Brazilian, themselves both hybrids. I came across her blog one day after she was spotlighted by our host, Blogger. She's has a unique and well formed observation of things, and she's articulate enough to share them with feeling and color. Those are good things. Go visit, read her tale about the furnace, and if you're so inclined, say hello. Don't forget to tell her Houston sent you.

Anger

I ran into someone yesterday who read my blog here and said that I seemed angry. I don't think I'm exceptionally angry as a person, and it comes as a surprise to me that one would read my blog and come to that conclusion, but you know, when you're painting a picture, you have to allow that each person will have a different impression. Some will like the colors you use, and some won't. I don't think I'm especially angry, but I do get mad from time to time. I think there's plenty to be angry about in our society. However, I think I celebrate life more than I complain or rant about the inequities of it. Today I'm going to spend a few hours alone in quiet reflection, thinking about the colors I use. Today, color me curious yellow.

Making a Statement For Fashion Freedom

I was by Jennifer's History and Stuff this morning and was pointed towards this story. For the record, I have no idea who the people at Jennifer's History and Stuff are, but for some reason I put them on my list of Favorites some few weeks ago, so I stop by and visit from time to time. I thought the conversation about men wearing skirts to be interesting. I have always believed that men should have the freedom to wear skirts. If I can find a picture of me in mine, I'll come back and put it up.

Al Gore Gets in Right

I just saw a blip of Al Gore attacking Dubya for betraying our trust. That's exactly what Bush did. He told us that we were being threatened, but we were no more threatened than we had been for 11 or 12 years. He told us they had weapons of mass destruction. We believed him. He told us that there was a threat of nuclear weapons. We believed him. What he did was to play upon our fears. He lied to us. He exaggerated the threat. Was this about family honor? Was this about oil? I don't know. When you realize that your boyfriend's lying to you, the next question you ask yourself is "for how long?" I began this blog back last March in support of the President's decision to go to war. I argued with friends, family, acquaintances. What did Bush do with my trust? He allowed the extremists in his party to accuse my friends of aiding the enemy for opposing him. He allowed the extremists in his party to call my friends traitors. He also used the support he was getting for his conduct of the war against terrorism to consolidate his political position at home. He did not try to build a coalition. He attempted to brutalize any opposition to him or to his political party's extremist platform.

He was a coward during the Vietnam War. He avoided the draft for dishonorable reasons. He joined the Texas Air National Guard, after having a slot made available to him because of who is father was. If he supported the war, he should have joined rather the fight rather than dodging. His country needed him, but he was a coward.

His tax cuts have helped no one but the rich. He is breaking the economic back of the government. We are going to be saddled with so much debt that we will be unable to function as an efficient government. The Republicans are treating the government as a huge, all you can eat buffet, and they are cleaning the platters. There won't be anything left. He's so fucking stupid that he doesn't see or understand the results of what he is doing. I vote for stupid. He's not smart enough to be evil. That would be his brother, Jeb.

His political party, however, is evil. Tom DeLay would send his own mother to a concentration camp if it enhanced his political power. I love the quote about him responding to being told he couldn't smoke his cigar at a restaurant telling the poor chap trying to enforce the law that "he [Tom DeLay] was the government." That sounds real good when written in a history book.

Cheers.

Bush Meets the Press

Oh, but if he only would. Instead he's being fluffed by Tim Russert Sunday morning on NBC's Meet the Press. I don't get NBC so I guess I'll have to be satisfied with the wrapup. I don't expect much. Tim Russert is such a suck-up. His idea of a tough question is going to be "who d'ya think will win the world series this year?" There is so much shit on the table, I just don't know how Russert can't ask a couple of on point questions. The challenge to Russert is to follow up when he gets a bullshit answer. And that's the standard I'm going to hold Tim to: if he answers with a non sequitur, you better damn well ask him to explain himself.

Friday Cat Blogging

My unofficial blog block captain, Kevin Drum over at Calpundit, usually does cat blogging on Fridays, although not today for some reason. He has two cats, Inkblot and Jasmine. I have one. Or does he have me? Say hello to Beauregard:

Missing the Point

I saw Janet's titty. Oh whoopidee shit! Here's a picture of it if you're interested in seeing it for yourself. This guy is outraged. The idiots at Right Wing News (no way I'm linking to that sort of trash) think Dr. Dean is unsuited to be President because he wasn't outraged enough to condemn everyone involved. No, really, that's what they said over there. I was over there this morning to see if there was any shock at what Justin Timberlake did. He tore a woman's top in a similated act of male aggression. In their dance of sexual illusion, he responded to the dominitrix's supposed control of him by turning the tables and taking control, humiliating her by exposing her. I've seen the x-rated version of the movie already. I thought I recognized the plot. But no, cynicism ran high, and no one seem especially offended.

Am I the only one to notice that Justin Timberlake has no hips? Bless his heart. My friend Stacy was over watching the show with us. She thought Justin sounded like Michael Jackson. That's interesting, huh? If Michael had been doing the dance with Janet, no one would have noticed Janet, with or without her boob haning out.

Tim Goodman, writing in this morning's San Francisco Chronicle, totally pegs the entire story. Ah, America.

Farting and Calling it Singing



The Bush budget. I'd laugh it it didn't have such serious repercussions as a result of its distortions of truth.

Adding Comments

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