I Used to be a Republican


No, really, I did. I was young. They had better parties. They were just a crowd and I worked them. I don't know why, but at one time they made sense to me. I used to be a Catholic in the same way. When it was a romantic idea to be Catholic, I enjoyed being there. When I found out what they believed, I was appalled! Same with Republicans. Trouble is, I have close friends from that period. Not only are my close friends Republican, but they are devout Bushies! Oh, God. I maintained with them as long as I could, but one day Leon called and started spouting that nazi shit, er-I mean, her Fox-news inspired commentary on current events, and I lost it and told her what I really thought. I mean, I told her what I really, really thought.

So now she's mad at me for having an opinion different from her own. You know, I can live with that. She and her people have been good to me. Thank you. My people and I have been good and generous to her, as well. She's welcome. But there is a history at work here, as well. My families and her families have been on opposite sides of almost every war and subwar they have ever experienced together. I was as adamant in my opposition to the war in Vietnam as she were in her support of Nixon and his lies. During the Civil War, my great-grandfather and his brother were deserters and copperheads. My Ashworth great-great grandfather avoided service to the South and named one of his boys, Ulysses. Just guess who he thought the real hero of the Civil War was? During the American Revolution, her family was rebels, my family was loyalist. Even before that, during the Regulator-Moderator fight in South Carolina after the Cherokee Wars and before the Revolution, her family was Regulator, mine outlaws and Moderators. There's a pattern here, duh?

But I'm mad at her right now because she's giving that draft dodging lowlife a free ride. I love her dearly, but she brought the skunk to the dinner table and is now mad at me for saying it stinks. Leon showed me disrespect by her original call to me, and then got mad at me when I gave you my opinion on the subject she brought up. Think about it. I would immediately call her and say whatever would be necessary to heal this breach I feel, but I can't change my mind about how stupid I think she is for not ever questioning the obvious in regards to Bush's claimed military service during Vietnam. Her failure to acknowledge that fact to my satisfaction has become a barrier between us.

And just to harden my heart, her political party has declared itself anti-Me. They want to AMEND the Constitution to permanently and forever exclude ME from full participation in the many rights inumerated within it. Her memory is short, but let me remind everyone of this fact: the Germans never did anything to the Jews that wasn't perfectly legal. They wrote the laws that made it legal to persecute Jews. Leon's people, her political party, would make my people legal targets. If you allow those people to speak in your name, you're fucking well endorsing all of their points of view. You're as evil as they are.

There. I feel better. Well. Okay, I'm going to save you the grief of banishing me from your life this time, though. I'm just going to say goodbye now. Good-bye.